God’s word, the instrument through which He reaches out to His people to bless, position, decorate and help, is multidimensional and also carries warnings (Psalms 19:11).
It is important to maximize this life so freely given to us by God, by receiving the eternal wisdom of His word, which is receiving the wisdom of the Ancient of days. You can only enjoy heaven on earth when you operate in the wisdom of God’s word and ignoring it has grave consequences. Prevention is indeed the better option than cure.
There are twelve kinds of people never to get married to. They include the following;
- An Unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14): The salvation of the person you intend to marry must be properly checked and certified because a union of light and darkness cannot work. It does not matter how kind, gentle, beautiful and generous the person may be, if their salvation is not certain do not Marriage is of/from God and as such, you need Him to make the most of it. If you remove God from good, you have 'o' (which is zero). Man is nothing without God, and attaching yourself to someone without God is disastrous.
The danger of marrying someone who is not saved is that you will expect from them what they do not have the capacity to deliver (John 4:14, 18).
If you marry one who is not connected to the vine, you will lack nutrients, nourishment and fulfilment in marriage and it will be an exercise in futility. Do not waste time by saying, “I will convert him/her”, you are not the Holy spirit.
As a believer, always conduct yourself in such a way that it will be impossible for an unbeliever to approach you, always send the right signals.
- Someone Without Direction Or In An Opposite Direction: A man without direction is an accident bound to happen. Marriage is a journey (Gen1:2). Always find out the direction of whoever approaches you for marriage. A poor man is not a man without money but a man without vision because vision is key. Purposeless men are dangerous men who can perish (Hosea 4:6).
Vision gives clarity to life (Proverbs 22:3) and affects the kind of friends you will have.
It is very pertinent to discuss your visions, goals, and aspirations before consenting to marriage. The more you have a common goal, aspiration and vision, the easier the ride (Amos 3:3).
- A Desperate Person (Isa 28:16): A desperate person wants to break all protocol by all means and is always urgent Do not marry by all means because if you rush in, you will also rush out. If you close your eyes in error, you will live your life in horror. Many are desperate because of age, money, parental and peer pressure etc, but remember that as His child, God has a good plan for you and makes all things beautiful in His time. When your set time comes, everything will work for you. it is wisdom to wait for your time.
- Someone You Do Not Love: Love is the baseline for any relationship. If you neither love the person nor feel proud and excited about introducing the person as your future partner, please do not go ahead else. Do not marry if you are not sure your future partner loves you. Love has to be mutual because it is the rope that binds two persons together and if it is lacking, the relationship cannot stand. But if there is love, you can endure anything and triumph together. Faults are thin when love is thick, and thick when love is Love covers a multitude of errors (1 Peter 4:8). If your intended partner lacks the attributes of love in 1st Corinthians 13:3-8, do not marry, for it is better to be single and happy than to be married and miserable. Marriage can be heaven or hell on earth. There must be physical attraction; it may not be there initially but at the end of the day, the connection should be obvious, this is very important.
- A Mummy’s Boy: He is the ‘she’, a man like a woman, he always says “mummy said, daddy said”. Such a person does not have strength in the inner mind. What makes a man is the ability to take independent decisions and accept responsibility for it. This type will not be able to defend and protect you, you will always be at the mercy of his family members and you will end up being a slave. He is a weakling because he lacks courage. He cannot take decisions for the family without consulting his mother, father, elder brother/sister or friends.
- A Lazy Bone: Do not marry someone who does not want to work, or else you will end up assuming responsibility for everything. He may not be working at the moment, but does he have potentials, the capacity and willingness to generate wealth/work, does he have any work ethic? Do not let anybody use spirituality to confuse you because there is future in every work and there are no dirty jobs or small jobs. If you give a small job to a big man in the inside, he will turn that small job to a big job but if you give a big job to a small man in the inside, he will turn the big job to a small job. Your work is your self portrait and you transfer your worth into your work. It is who you are that defines your work, you can be a billionaire as a shoe shiner.
- A Domineering Women: Marrying a woman that sees herself as a symbol of authority and is not ready to bend to anyone, one who likes being in command and is never submissive one who dictates the happenings in the house and does not bow to your preference is a pointer to danger and an enlistment to slavery. A marriage cannot work when the woman is not ready to submit. Sisters, please do not say yes to a man you cannot submit to because it is against the law. You may provide suggestions, strategies, and approach but always allow the man to lead because he is your covering.
- An Unserious Believer: Lukewarm believers are never for marriage because they are neither hot nor cold. They are cosmetic believers who have leaves but no fruits. You must be blowing hot as a Christian. You need someone who is deeply committed to God to be committed to you. One who does not have an appetite for the word of God is not a good choice.
- Someone Whose Major Focus Is The External: If the person’s major interest is your body, it is a sign of danger. Marriage is a liquid-content-only union because the body changes with time. You may be attracted to the container, but what you meet in the marriage is the liquid inside. Pay attention to character, values and spiritual content. These should be the overriding factors in choosing who to marry. Do not be deceived by looks (Proverbs 31:30). Character is the real you in private.
- An Abuser: Anyone who treats you like a child or a servant, who is a dictator or sees himself as your boss and issues command to you like a general in the army is not to be considered at all for marriage. Be very observant of these signals. Do not marry someone who is easily prone to anger or who is temperamental in nature. Marriage is not for boys but for men, anyone that fails to manage his emotions cannot manage another person’s life. Learn to control yourself and your words. (Proverbs 21:19, 22:24 and 29:22).
- A Stranger: Someone that you do not know well enough is a stranger. Please do not be carried away by love at first sight because you may tend to get lost at foresight. There are people who come to church but are serpents inside; wolves in sheep clothing. You may trust but please verify. Always verify the authenticity of what the person says. Do not marry someone whose christain life is not well known to you.
Perhaps you were in a relationship before you gave your life to Christ, it is advisable to end it first, even if the person is also saved, allow each other to grow up in your new faith and if it is God's will, the two of you will come back to marry.
- Someone Who Is Not Under Authority: He may be a rebel and this is a big danger (Rom13:1). There has to be an authority figure in every man’s life, one he/she totally respects. There should be someone to run to should any issue arise later in the marriage. It is best if that person is spiritual. Never marry someone that nobody can talk to. Anyone who is an island is an accident bound to happen.
A person that has no respect for parents will never respect you. Someone who talks bad about almost everyone, a person that a greater percentage of your loved ones do not approve if is not a choice to consider for a life partner. If your parents do not approve of your choice, pray about it and give it time, if the reasons are not scriptural, meet with your pastors and take counsel.
Do Not Date, Befriend Or Marry The Married: Dating the married is blocking access to your own, sowing a seed that you do not want to reap in your tomorrow (Galatians 6:7). Do not contribute to breaking another person’s marriage.
Do not disregard these vital points, adhere to them and you will never make a mistake in choosing a life partner. This decision is very important because it affects more than seventy percent of your live and future generations. Endeavour to choose right.